My sister wants to adopt my child
Dear Pastor,
I am 31 and I have a few questions to ask you. I met my wife five years ago and we got married after going out for 18 months.
I wasn't fully ready to be married, but we were in the church and everybody was pushing us to get married. Some of the saints even offered to buy the wedding dress. My wife was living at her grandparents' house, so they told me we could live with them because the house has three bedrooms and two bathrooms. My father told me that if we got married, I should find a place and put my wife. When I checked out everything, it would have been much cheaper to live with her grandparents. So that is what we did.
This girl and I made love before we got married. I was not a virgin, but she was. Our first night in bed was horrible. It's like I was dealing with a little child or if I was raping a woman. The first time I tried to penetrate her, she screamed, so I pushed my rag in her mouth and reminded her that we were at her grandparents' home. After a long time, I succeeded in having sex with my virgin wife. It took us a few days to abstain from each other, so that she could get over her trauma. I had to threaten her that I would move out if she continued holding out on me. My wife told her mother everything that happened. Her father thought it was so funny . He hailed me as a champion and said he was very proud to deliver a virgin daughter to me.
My wife and I now have three children. I did not want to have more than two children - one boy and one girl. Her last pregnancy was a mistake. She was blaming me for this pregnancy. When we had sex, she was off the Pill and I told her that I would withdraw, but I did not remember, and I discharged in her. We are now looking for another place to live because we need more room. We are both working but we know that three children are going to put a strain on our pocket.
My sister is suggesting that we allow her to adopt this child. I am not willing to give up this baby. My sister has been married for a long time but she and her husband do not have children. They have a lovely home and they are in good jobs. My sister said we wouldn't have to change the child's name but she would raise the child as hers. I like that idea, but her husband says that if he is adopting the child, the child should carry his name. They would like to have the child two weeks after my wife gives birth, but my wife should breastfeed the child every day. I don't know how you see this thing. My father-in-law is telling me that we should add on two more rooms on his house with a bathroom and kitchen and have our own entrance, instead of moving. He said that if my sister and her husband want to support our children, especially the youngest one, let them do so, but we should not give up our child. My wife intends to tie her tubes.
Please for your thoughts.
L.T.
Dear L.T.,
I can see that your in-laws love you and want to help you. In fact, they have saved you lots of money already; they have not given you any trouble.
I do not often encourage young couples to live with in-laws because some in-laws are not easy to live with. But you have saved a lot of money by living with your in-laws. However, I doubt that you would feel that you are a real man until you are able to put your wife in a home that you can both call your own. Therefore, I would encourage you to try and buy a place of your own and move out of your in-laws' house.
You should remember that your wife's parents have other children, and while you are not having the problem now, you do not know when a fuss may develop with them. So even if you try to get a two-bedroom place to do an addition, that is the way I think you should go.
I am not recommending the type of adoption your sister is suggesting. You know you want your child to carry your last name whether it is a boy or a girl, and if you were giving up the child for adoption, it has to be done the right way. Nothing is wrong, however, if your sister and her husband want to assist you in the support of the child; that's the way I see it.
Pastor