Dating my ex-boyfriend’s best friend

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have been involved with a man who is also 25.

We started living together four years ago. I was living with another man who was not treating me well. This guy and that man were good friends and I complained to him that the guy wasn’t treating me well, so this guy spoke to him about it. That was the end of their friendship because the other guy told this man what he should go and do with his mother and they had a fight. This guy beat him up and he threatened that he would kill me, so I gave up my job and went into hiding.

Believe me, this guy that I am with now had me at his sister’s house, so the other guy didn’t know where I was. I did not leave that house for months until one day my present boyfriend told me that the guy saw him and asked for me. He said that he is a changed man and is now a Christian, so he is looking for a Christian girl. He also said that he did not expect me to go with his best friend. Having a relationship with his best friend was never in my mind, but I had to do something because I had my bills to pay. I did not want my insurance policy to lapse.

My present boyfriend took over everything, and although I was not living at the house, I could not give it up, so he was paying the rent for me. He is really a good man. When we had sex for the first time, I felt so guilty knowing that I was having sex with my former boyfriend’s best friend. But now, it does not bother me. He had a girlfriend at that time, and when she heard that we are together, she dropped him. But before she did, he gave her my number to call me in his presence. He was not afraid to do so and she told me she is not holding anything against me because she understood the circumstances that brought us together. This man and I are now living together and his former girlfriend and I are now good friends.

There are so many ways in which I can say that this guy is better than my ex. He would like to get me pregnant, but I have been begging him to continue to use protection because I want to go to college and I do not want to get pregnant now. My mother told me that I am worthless to take away the man who I knew had another woman. But she can say anything that she wants because I don’t even know my father and she has never been able to help me.

K.

Dear K.,

Many people would condemn you, but while they are condemning you, they are in no position to help you.

Your previous boyfriend was not treating you well and when you complained to his friend about it, his friend spoke to him and he told his friend what he should do with his mother. No man wants to hear another telling him what derogatory things he should do, especially concerning his mother.

This man helped you. He came to your rescue, so to speak. You knew what you were going through and you accepted the help he offered. So even though people may condemn you, you are in a better position today and I hope that you will be able to attend college with the help of this man. I want to wish you well.

Pastor