Got pregnant the first time I had sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am in big trouble. I am pregnant for a married man.

This man always used to tell me how beautiful I looked and he admired me because I did not keep many friends. He always gave me good advice and we became very close. I know his wife and her two children.

I started to take money from him because he told me that whenever I was in need, I could tell him. On my birthday, he bought me a cell phone and I had to lie to my mother. I told her I had got it from my godfather, which she believed. When this man gave me the phone, he said he was looking forward to sucking my breasts because they looked plump. I laughed about it and I reminded him that he has a wife. He told me that doesn't mean anything. Well, one evening we decided to meet after I went shopping downtown. He picked me up after he gave me money to buy some personal items. Then he told me that he felt horny looking at me, and he would like me to have sex with him.

I told him that I had never had sex. He said he would be a fortunate man to be the first man to have sex with me. I told him he may get me pregnant and he said if I never had sex before, it's a possibility that I would not get pregnant. I believed him because I had heard that before. His car was tinted, so after playing with me, we had sex in his car. We had sex again the following week, and when I did not see my period, I told him. He said I should not fret. But I started to fret when several days went by and my period did not come. I took a test which showed that I was pregnant.

This man said I shouldn't tell anybody that we had sex. He said he could give me money to abort the pregnancy. I told him that is murder but he said it's not, if the pregnancy is very young. I also told him that I have heard about girls who have died after trying to have abortions. He told me that he can take me to a doctor who can do the abortion, so I need not fret. I did not go because I did not want God to be angry with me and send me to hell. I agreed with this man not to call his name. I lied and told my mother that a man raped me. My mother told me that she didn't believe me and my story was not straight. I eventually told her the truth and this man came to see my mother. He promised that he would take care of me and the baby after it is born.

Everybody in my family is surprised to know that I was having sex because they say that I am so quiet. I hope to have the baby next month. This man's wife does not know that he got me pregnant. I promised him that I will not register the child in his name. I am not a bad girl, but I really did not understand that I could become pregnant the first time I had sex.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

This married man knew better and he knew very well that you were naive. He wanted to have sex with you, so he told you the nonsense and you believed him.

I am glad that you eventually told your mother the truth and the man stepped forward and has been meeting your needs. You have disappointed your parents, but you have not totally listened to this man. The decision to have the child was the correct one. You did not say whether you are still in school, but I hope that after you have the baby, proper arrangements would be made for the care of the child, and that you go back to school and pursue a career.

You have made a mistake, but you can go on to be a shining light in your community. You have promised not to let it be known who is the biological father of this child. There will come a time when you will have to tell the child. I hope that you have already apologised to your parents. This man who got you pregnant will probably have to tell his wife that he has a child who does not carry his name. That is his responsibility to talk to her about it.

Now take good care. I wish you well.

Pastor