My boyfriend doesn’t attend church

Dear Pastor,

When I got married, my husband and I used to read your column after we had dinner.

It was so enjoyable to read it together. My husband died after a tragic accident. I miss him so much. I have been single for 15 years, but recently I met a man and I have fallen in love with him. He told me that while I was married, he used to admire me. I was always well dressed and when my husband died, he told some of my friends that he would like to marry me. My husband and I had three children. They have all done very well. The boys are living in Canada and the girl lives here in Jamaica, but she is now engaged to be married. We are like sisters. I am 60 years old.

This man who I am in love with is 65. I know it is risky to remarry. This man has four children, but he was never married. He has admitted that when he was younger, he ran around a lot. He used to work with the government and every parish he went to work, he had a woman there. But he has changed now. I know he has changed. I believe age has slowed him down. He admitted that he doesn't have much money to waste on women any more. One of the reasons why he loves me is because I don't have to ask him for anything.

I plan to retire in two years, but I have good investments. I am the only child for my parents and they have left me a house that I have rented. The tenants pay me their rent in US currency. They like this man. We went out together for five months before I agreed to have sex with him. It took me that long to do so because my husband and I have many pictures of ourselves in my house, so I had to remove them to be comfortable when making love to this man.

My daughter knew that this man had taken our relationship to a higher level when she saw that her father's photographs were taken from the walls. She asked me about it and I told her that I cannot have a new man in my life and have her father's photographs everywhere. She took three of them and put them in her room and in her brothers' room. I felt so bad moving his pictures from the living room and our bedroom. This man's children are every respectful to me, but I have not been to his house many times. They all call me Auntie. I invited all of them to my house for his birthday.

The challenge I am having with this man is that he does not attend church. I have invited him to go with me many times, but he has not done so as yet. I am an Anglican. His parents were Revivalists. He has agreed to go with me for counselling before we get married. He knows that nothing I have will go to him after we are married or after I die. He is willing to sign a prenuptial agreement.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

I am glad to hear from you. I can see that you have fallen in love, and although you say that this man has admitted that he used to be a wild man, and was very promiscuous, it seems to me that he has indeed changed.

You consider the change in his behaviour is as a result of old age. One can say that he doesn't have much 'gas' left.

When women complain about their men who are always running after other women, I tell them that the time will come when these men won't be able to fool around. Of course, I know that some do, even when they are in their senior years. But the women know that they can't manage, so they stick around with them to get their money, and in many cases, to get their property.

I remember doing a wedding for a couple. The man was very old and the young woman was probably in her 20s. The gentleman could not even sign his name on the paper. I said to myself, 'What a tragedy.' But the young lady was there smiling away and she probably was saying in her mind, 'I have gotten this fool to do what I wanted.'

In your case, this man is still healthy and strong, and so are you. I hope that he will agree to attend church with you. Don't marry him unless both of you go for premarital counselling. I wish both of you well.

Pastor