Boyfriend says sex will help me lose weight

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old. I have a boyfriend, but we don't have sex regularly. When we first met, I told him that I have never had sex, but he did not believe me.

He said something must be wrong with me. I grew up in the church. My mother and grandmother had always said that sex was a sin, so I could do without it. However, I lost my virginity when I was 20 to a married man who I was madly in love with. He told me that he was going to divorce his wife and marry me, and I believed him.

One weekend, his wife was not at home and I spent the night at his house. He didn't care about my size. I felt so relaxed in his arms. I am not saying that what I did with a married man was pleasing to the Lord, but I could not resist this man. I have got over the idea that sex is sin. I know now that it is sin if one goes about it the wrong way.

I am also very fat and each guy I met, except this one that I am with now, always told me that I was too fat. My present boyfriend told me that if we have sex regularly, it will help to reduce my size. I told him that I would be willing to try. I have taken off some weight, but my boyfriend tells me that I should take off some more. I am working with a herbalist and I am doing well with my diet. I find myself crying because I love this man so very much.

I would love to get married and have children. I don't know if that will ever happen. I do not want to get older without getting married and having a child. I have a good job and I have paid down on my own home. I am also an only child, so what my parents have should come to me.

My boyfriend also has a problem. He suffers from depression, so sometimes both of us can hardly help each other. We have tried to have sex, but we do not do it so often because of his condition. Sometimes he does not have an appetite for anything. When he is not going through depression, he is the greatest man on earth. We are hoping that you would meet with the both of us for counselling at your convenience. We are hoping to get a response from you.

R.S.

Dear R.S.,

I would be happy to meet with your boyfriend and you. You should call the office and make the appointment. The telephone numbers are 876-929-1667 or 876-877-1009. Please do not come to the office without making an appointment.

Although you say you are working with a herbalist, I would encourage you to go to see a medical doctor and to follow his or her advice. I do not mean to discourage you; it is always good to work with a medical doctor also.

This man who took your virginity lied to you. He told you that he would marry you, but he knew that he was lying. You were so much in love with him and felt so comfortable with him that you allowed him to have his way.

Your boyfriend should also see a doctor who would assist him to deal with his depression. If he does not overcome the depression, it is going to affect the relationship that both of you are having. I wish both of you well.

Pastor