He says I am too fat to be his girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old, and I have been secretly in love with a 27-year-old man. I have had a crush on him since I was in high school, but I didn't make that known to him or to his sister, who was my classmate. When she and I went out as friends, he used to pick her up and give me a ride, too. He never showed any interest in me, and I always wondered why.

One day, I asked his sister if he had a girlfriend, and she told me that he had more than one. Another day when he came by to bring his sister to our house, I built up the courage to ask him for his cell number. He told me to ask his sister, but I told him that I wanted it from him.

He smiled and gave it to me. I called him, and he wanted to know why I had called him. I told him that I had always admired him. He laughed and said that he would get me into trouble. I told him that I was a big girl, so if I wanted to get into trouble, that would be my decision.

Anyway, we started talking on the phone every day until I asked him why he hadn't invited me out. He told me that he liked me, but that I was too fat and needed to take off some weight. He said that I should go to the gym. I told him that I did not have money to pay for the gym and the little money I got was to pay for my education at UWI.

I told him that he should send me to the gym, but he said that he would not spend money on me so soon. He said that I should stop eating junk food and that if I did, I would take off weight.

After he talked to me about my weight, I took off my clothes, stood before the mirror, and had a good look at myself, and cried. I decided that even if I had to starve myself to take off weight, I would do so to get that man. I loved him so much. I stopped eating ice-cream and fast food, which I used to live on every day. But I am not losing the weight as I would like. Sometimes after eating junk food, I had to eat something sweet, so I bought cookies and donuts, and the pounds went on.

I am only 5'5", and I am 160lb.

Some time ago, I was listening to you on your show, and people were talking about what can be done to take off weight. And I believe that I saw advice in one of your columns, too. So I am asking you to tell me what to do to slim down. Can you give me some help by suggesting what I should or should not eat? I am sure there are others who would benefit from your advice. I have told myself that I must get this man.

K.P.

Dear K.P,

If you are determined to take off weight, you will succeed. However, I am not sure that your motive for taking off weight is right. You should keep your weight down because it is good for your health. A woman who is 5'5" and has a small frame should be approximately 119lb. If she has a medium frame, the heaviest she should be is 130lb, and if she has a large frame she should not be more that 140lb or so.

So I would say that if you are 160lb, you are overweight. And I could understand why this young man is not interested in you.

It is true that people have discussed weight issues with me in my column and on my show. And even at my church, I have spoken freely about weight control. But I do so because I know it is a health issue. People who are overweight are prone to certain health problems.

For years, I have tried to keep my weight down. I am not a lover of junk food, but once in a while, I do indulge. For some people, it is a hard struggle to keep their weight down. But I want you to really deal with this matter not because you are so much in love with this man but for your own benefit. And if this guy loves you, and you knock him off his feet when he sees that you have become even more attractive, that would be a double benefit you.

Eat right, exercise, and check with your doctor about your weight plan. But nobody can go wrong by trying to take off weight. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor