My man wants to leave me for his church sister

Dear Pastor,

I am 39 years old and I am living with a man who is 68 years old. I have three children.

Their father and I broke up because I cheated on him with this man that I am living with. I have been living with him for four years. Things were going well between us at first. He is helping with the children because their father is punishing me because of my cheating.

My husband has bad friends. Whenever we had an argument, he would tell me that I should remember who his friends are. After we broke up, I tried to get back with him. I even slept with him, and he gave me money in the morning. Then he said the money was for the good time we had. I told him I couldn't believe that he was paying me for sex and he said yes. That was the last time I slept with him.

The man I cheated on him with and living with now was married, but his wife died. She used to go to a certain church, but he did not attend. He started to attend recently and got baptised. Now he is saying that he can't have sex with me anymore, and he can't marry me because I am a sinner.

He says he will have to marry someone from the church he is attending.

He is still helping me, but I have found out that he is visiting the home of one of his church sisters. I asked him about it and he did not deny it.

He said there isn't any sex between them and he will not marry her until I find a place to live.

He had promised to help me buy a car, now he is saying that because we are about to split up, he cannot spend so much money on me again.

I have been begging my husband to take me back. I told him that I am leaving this man, but he doesn't want to take me back.

HE WANTS TO MARRY ME

I have also been talking to a man who is living in America. He plans to come to Jamaica in January. He wants to marry me, but I am still married.

Please, tell me what to do. I will trust your opinion.

D.L.

Dear D.L.,

I am sorry to hear that you have destroyed your marriage, but on the other hand, whether in a marriage or relationship, it is not only one spouse who is at fault.

So although you have not said why you cheated, there must have been a reason. Were you not having enough money from your husband? Were you unsatisfied with your sex life? I am just wondering what the problem was.

You have admitted that you cheated and then your husband and yourself broke up. You went back to visit him and to spend a night with him and evidently, he was glad to see you. But he tricked you and had sex with you. And at the end of the visit, he gave you money and told you that that was payment for the good time both of you had.

I will say to you that your husband was a very cruel man. He gave you the impression that he was willing to make up with you. I am sure that you were aware that most people have used sex for patching up a relationship that has gone bad. He should have told you in advance that you all were just having sex, but it had no meaning. I am sorry he did that to you.

This man with whom you are living now wants you out of his life. Some people would consider the church that he is attending as a cult.

Anyone who doesn't believe like they do is called a sinner. But don't let what they say get you down. Try and get your husband, whose heart has gotten hard as a rock, to help you get a place to live.

I am sure you have told him a million times that you are sorry for what has happened between the both of you. Even if he doesn't want you back as his wife, he can assist you to find a place to live while he supports his children.

You haven't said whether you are working. If you are not working, get a job. If you are working, get a better job.

Pastor