Church secret sex club shocks pastor - Wife says faith community ignores women’s sexual needs

The explosive claim that a pastor's wife is running a secret sex club inside the sacred walls of her church has triggered outrage and condemnation, but she insists the uproar has conveniently drowned out the real issue the story exposed -- the church's enduring refusal to confront women's sexual and emotional dissatisfaction in marriage.

Candy*, who was identified in THE WEEKEND STAR as the organiser of a covert sexual arrangement that has been operational for years, said reactions have focused almost exclusively on shock, scandal, and moral outrage, rather than on the unmet emotional and physical needs she claims drove the behaviour.

The revelations have even sparked discussion within Candy's own household. She said her husband, the church's pastor, was stunned when he read the story and openly criticised the actions described, questioning how such activity could have taken place within a church setting. She said he remains unaware that she was the architect behind the club's operation.

What he has not done, she said, is ask how she feels within their marriage. "He's judging the story," Candy said.

"But he hasn't asked me if I'm satisfied ... For a second I was silently hoping the story inspires him."

That absence, she said, reflects the wider reaction she has observed. "People talk around the issue," she said. "Very few are willing to talk into it."

Last weekend, this newspaper reported on shocking activities that take place after official services conclude in a sanctuary. After the pastor -- Candy's husband, and other congregants -- leave the building, a smaller group of adult women from the church remain behind. They regularly engage in sexual acts with men recruited from outside the congregation.

The arrangement, Candy insists, is operated in secrecy, and includes financial contributions.

Contacted by THE STAR yesterday amid a flood of public reaction, Candy said the response to the revelation has laid bare how deeply uncomfortable churches remain with honest conversations about intimacy, fulfilment and agency -- particularly where women are concerned.

"People are shocked by the idea of sex happening inside a church," Candy said. "But they're far less shocked by how many women feel unseen and emotionally disconnected in their marriages."

Since the story broke, Candy said the issue has been widely discussed within church circles, though often in guarded or abstract ways. According to her, conversations tend to revolve around leadership failures, church discipline, and moral boundaries, while avoiding personal introspection.

"It stays theoretical," Candy said. "As long as it's about principles and policies, nobody has to admit what they're living with."

She said the intense reaction has reinforced her belief that sex remains an uncomfortable and taboo subject in many faith spaces, even among adults.

"We have to move past sex being taboo in the church.We are not kids, we are consenting adults who have needs. It is rather naive for people to think this was not happening, and I'm almost certain we are not the only ones," Candy told THE STAR.

The first lady of the church, situated in the county of Middlesex, argues that church teachings often stress obedience, patience, and endurance, while offering little room to address dissatisfaction within marriage -- especially women's dissatisfaction.

"When women are taught that their needs are secondary or non-spiritual, those needs don't disappear," she said. "They just go underground."

She said the Bible itself speaks to mutual responsibility in marriage, but those messages are rarely emphasised from the pulpit.

"The Bible says, 'The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband,'" she said, referencing 1 Corinthians 7:3. "That verse speaks to mutual responsibility, not silent endurance. But it's rarely centred when churches talk about intimacy. It's right there in front of our eyes."

According to Candy, sermons more frequently focus on restraint and submission, while mutual care, attentiveness, and fulfilment are sidelined.

"If straps and whips are what I have to use to fulfil my sexual desires, why is it looked down on and condemned simply because I'm a leader in the church?," she quizzed.

For Candy, the controversy surrounding THE STAR report has reinforced what she believes the allegations ultimately revealed -- not an isolated incident in one church, but a broader discomfort within faith communities about confronting unmet needs.

"People want to argue about what happened," she said. "But the harder question is why so many women recognised themselves in the story."

*Name changed to protect identity.