Boyfriend won’t marry me until I speak in tongues

Dear Pastor,

I am a member of a particular church, but sometimes what I am hearing from the pulpit, the leaders are unable to back it up from the Bible.

I have a boyfriend who is attending the same church and when I tell him that I don't believe certain things the pastors are saying, he tells me that I am rebellious and I should just humble myself and learn. My boyfriend speaks in tongues, but I have never done that. The members of this church believe that if I do not speak in tongues, my boyfriend should not marry me. So I told him that I will begin to look elsewhere. One of my colleagues told me that he longing to have me in his arms and I told him that I want a man who is a Christian. He said that any day he has the opportunity to wrap me in his arms, he will change my mind and I will leave my boyfriend.

I am writing to you because I am seriously thinking about it, but I don't want you to consider me rude. It has been three years since I have had a man squeeze my breasts. I am longing to feel a man inside of me. I would prefer that man to be a Christian. Sometimes when I hear some of these people speaking in tongues, I wonder if they are genuine. Everybody seems to be saying the same thing.

I like jewellery and my boyfriend told me to stop wearing my earrings. I no longer them, just to please him. But he is demanding more from me. My boyfriend does not even want me to wear stockings. I feel bare attending church without stockings. I like the pastor's wife, she is very intelligent. I have never heard her speak in tongues, but my boyfriend said that he has heard her. I told my boyfriend that I am giving him until August to make up his mind. If he doesn't marry me by then, I am going to stop attending that church and seek a man. But I don't want to go back and become a 'worlian'.

I had to give my boyfriend credit because he has not asked me for sex, but he wants us to be in church every week. I love him and he is kind and handsome. Whenever I tell him that I don't feel that I can go on any longer without sex, he tells me I should pray more. My boyfriend gives me the impression that he is not practical. But I know what I am feeling. He says he does not want us to break up. Then why is he pressuring me to speak in tongues before we get married?

L.K.

Dear L.K.,

Some churches have some weird teachings and some of them are not biblical; but they are believed by followers.

If this man is in love with you, he should marry you whether or not you speak in tongues. You should not give up all your liberty by getting married. On the other hand, you should not threaten your boyfriend or give him an ultimatum if you love him. Both of you should reason together and you should meet each other halfway. Tongue speaking is not a requirement for marriage.

I hope that you will not yield to the temptation and become sexually involved with the young man who has expressed his desire for you. Evidently he is lusting at your beautiful body.

Pastor