My stepson has no respect for me

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I tried to call you but didn't have any luck. I am not a good writer, but I will try to explain myself.

I am living with a man. He is 51 years old. He had a son and a daughter before we met. The girl is respectful and obedient but the boy has no manners. He is disrespectful to me. He curses like his father. He tells me whatever word comes to his mouth. One day, the boy called me 'dirty gal'. I am 35 years old. I asked him who he was calling dirty gal. He stood right in front of me and repeated it. I locked him out of the house. I did not get through to his father to talk to him and tell him that we cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour.

When his father came home and I told him why I locked him out, his father started to curse me and told me that, regardless of what happened, I shouldn't lock him out because the boy has more rights in the house because he is his son and I am just his woman. He pointed out that we are not even married. I was so shocked at his father's reaction. I thought the father would have given the boy a beating, but he cursed me instead. His daughter had to tell him I was speaking the truth. A few days later, I told the boy to go and sweep up the yard. He refused and told me that he is not going to take any orders from me. He even called me silly.

I cannot live in the same house with this boy. Can you imagine that one day the boy told me that I should go and 'do something' with myself and his father did nothing about it? He just brushed it aside and said that boys will say anything. He said that his son did not get that kind of talk from him, he got it from the street.

I told his father I am planning to leave and he said that he will not stop me from leaving because maybe I see a better man out there. I told him to take the son back to his mother but he said she cannot control the boy. Please give me your advice.

H.

Dear H.,

If that young boy continues to live in the house, he may find ways to give you a beating there.

His biological mother cannot control him. He must be brought under control. His father needs to seek outside help for him. But he does not give the impression that he believes that the boy will tell you anything because that is how sons are. That is total nonsense.

I feel very sad to tell you that you may have to leave this man's house. If you are not working, try your best to get a job. It is better to try and get a live-in job than to suffer humiliation in that house.

Pastor