Mother-in-law doesn’t want me around

Dear Pastor

I am 23 years old and pregnant. The man who got me pregnant is in a very good job. He rented a house and his mother is also living there.

She takes care of everything. She is in her 50s. After he got me pregnant, he took me to his house to live with him. His mother is behaving as if the house is hers. She does not like me at all. She asked him if he is sure that the child I am carrying is his and he told her that he is sure. She told him that nowadays girls are giving men jackets, so he should not spend a lot of money on me.

I did not expect this big woman to say these things because she has two daughters who are living with their boyfriends. Every month, my boyfriend pays the bills and gives me money to buy groceries. That is the part that is hurting this woman. He used to give her money to buy the groceries, but now he is giving me. Another thing that is hurting her is that my boyfriend used to tell her what he likes her to cook. She is still doing the cooking, but many times he tells me what he wants to be prepared for his dinner. One day she said to him, in front of my face, that he should stop telling me what he wants to eat - he should go straight to her because she is the one cooking the dinner, and if he has to tell me, then she would starting cooking only for herself. Whenever she cooks and we eat, I have to always wash the dishes.

I try to be very nice to this woman. But she does not appear that she will ever love me. What do you suggest that I do?

F.S.

Dear F.S.,

If this man genuinely loves you, both of you should get married, and he should let his mother know that he expects her to accept you as his wife.

In fact, you are already living in his house; that should be made clear to her. You are his woman. You said that this woman told your boyfriend that young women should not be trusted. Well, it is true; some young women cannot be trusted. But that does not mean that all women are bad and untrustworthy. You have not done anything that will cause this woman to believe that her son should not trust you. She should keep her mouth shut and accept you as her daughter-in-law.

Now my suggestion for this man to have peace in his house is to resume telling his mother what she should cook. She feels that you are there to take over everything. The man sees you as his wife, but since you are not yet officially married, let her do all the cooking. Let him split the money for groceries. He should give her the money for the groceries, and if there is anything special that your man wants, you can prepare it apart from what she prepares. But that should not be done very often.

Don't worry, the time will come when you will be totally in charge. But until then, show this woman respect. I wish you well.

Pastor