Getting a second chance at love

Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican, but I am living in the USA. I came here when I was 17. I went to college here, too.

But I never settled down like my other siblings, because at first, I did not love the country that much. When I turned 20, my parents told me that it was time for me to find another place to live because I had become a big man. My father also said that I should look for a nice girl and marry her because I was of age.

I was in a good job and many girls were working with the company. So I decided to go with one of them, but that did not work out. She was very attractive, but she wanted to control me and I could not stand for that, so we did not get along. Yes, we got married, but the marriage did not last for more than seven and a half months. She lived on fast food. I had to go to my parents' home every Sunday for dinner because my wife would not cook. She was buying box food every weekend and wanted us to live on that.

When my parents saw how she was treating me, they spoke to her about it and she said that she did not marry their son to become his helper. She was always criticising me to her friends. She told them that Jamaican men are not good. She accused me of having a relationship with another girl, which was not true. The truth is, she was involved with another man. So I moved out and went back home.

Now I am seeing another woman, but my divorce is not finalised. I am in this relationship, but I will not be in a hurry to get married. My father said that he was living with my mother for two years before he proposed to her. This girl's parents come from Guyana and she loves to cook. So we are now living together. I have moved out of my parents' house again. She does not buy fast food very often; and one of her good traits is that she cooks enough for us to take lunch every day to work. On Sundays, before we eat, I take food for my parents and they love that. She cooks the best oxtail that I have eaten. We don't quarrel, and we love the same things.

Pastor, we are compatible. She washes my clothes without fussing. My wife used to have my clothes piled up and not wash them. My girlfriend became ill a few months ago and I washed everything for her. We are very close. I am going to take my father's advice and not be in a hurry to marry her. But if she continues to be such a good woman to me, she will eventually get my ring.

F.L.

Dear F.L.,

I hope that this relationship will work. Perhaps you were in too much of a hurry to get married and perhaps, also, your wife did not respect you.

Most Jamaican men love women who can cook. So this Guyanese woman who you are presently living with knows what to do to make you happy. Your mother, who is very influential in your life, loves her because she can cook and she makes you happy.

Sometimes relationships don't work, but be not dismayed. Often, it is the second marriage that is successful. After you have had your divorce, this woman and you should go for counselling sessions. Please don't marry her without undergoing premarital counselling.

Pastor