I had to abort the baby

September 18, 2020

Dear Pastor

A couple months ago I started talking to this guy. He was so lovely, almost impossible to believe, but all of a sudden, I started to notice a lot of changes. Things he had told me in the past were turning out to be untrue and I was starting to lose interest. I stopped talking to him a few times; the longest was a month.

He was pressuring me to get pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about giving him what he wanted. But to be honest, I already have a daughter from my past relationship, and in such a short time that he and I have been talking, it just didn't seem like the right time. He was pressuring me so much, he did not even want me on contraceptives, and neither was he using condoms. That is how serious it was.

I stopped talking to him after his birthday. A month later, he came back and apologised; he told me he understood. We made up because I believe in giving people second chances, and if I'm being honest, I want to build a relationship with someone I can share a life with.

After we made up in July, we had sex on two different days. One day was a Friday and the other was the following Sunday. On the first day we used protection, we did so on the second day as well. Afterwards he insisted we go without protection. I was scared but I did it anyway, then took an emergency pill.

Three weeks later I started experiencing symptoms, but they were not period symptoms. They were similar but I was worried. Even so, I was still hoping my period would come. On the day my period was to arrive, it didn't. I was praying it was late because that happens sometimes. Unfortunately, it did not come.

I took a pregnancy test a couple days later, and it was as clear as day; two bright lines. I was worried, angry, and scared. I was filled with so many emotions. I told my boyfriend and he was as happy as a sunny day. I, however, was very disappointed.

I didn't want a baby. I've been doing everything on my own since my last relationship. I didn't know how I would continue to do so while not working. I've been out of a job since the pandemic. I have so many plans; I felt like I had failed myself.

I called my doctor and made an appointment. I told my boyfriend and he was so hurt. When I went to the doctor and he told me I was only four weeks along, I felt a little relief because it was very early. I sat and calculated the time span; the day we used the condom, the day I took the pill and the time my period was to come, and it all added up.

I was surprised that he was willing to go to that extent just to get me pregnant. He was trying to guilt-trip me into keeping the child and threatening. He said that if I did it, he would hate me for life. I went ahead and did the procedure. I am furious with him now because our relationship has ended. What do you think, sir? Was I wrong for what I did to him?


Dear K.B.,

You are responsible for whatever you do. Therefore, no matter how much you blame your ex-boyfriend for your dilemma, you must accept the blame because you are old enough to protect yourself and it is your body. No man is responsible for your body more than you. You should not have allowed this man to trick you.

I suggest that you make an appointment to see a family counsellor for therapy.


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