Convinced my husband’s ex wants him back

January 28, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 38 years old and I have been married for six years. My husband and I don't have children, but he had two daughters with another woman before we got married.

He has always supported his children. Their mother and my husband are best friends. Their relationship broke up because one night he went to visit her and saw the house in darkness. Another man was there with her and she couldn't explain why he was there while the place was in darkness.

So they broke up. She said she and the man were not having sex, they were just talking.

Now she and my husband are good friends and sometimes I feel jealous. My husband goes to her house, and she is always calling him to do things for her.

When I ask him why she can't call on someone else, he says he is helping her because of his children and she doesn't have a man. If she had a man, his children would tell him.

Last Boxing Day, we had friends over our house for dinner, and the woman called and said she was having a problem in her bathroom - the toilet was giving problems and she needed him to come and repair it.

away for two hours

He told her she should turn off the water and he would come later. She didn't stop calling until he got fed up and went to help her. He was away for two hours.

I tried to reach him, but he turned off his phone. I called the woman the following day and cursed her. Now my husband is upset with me for that.

His daughters usually come by, but now they no longer come to see us. My husband said I should call their mother and apologise because I told her that she should leave him alone and find one for herself, because he doesn't want her.

I am sure this woman wants back my husband. They are too close. Do you think I owe her an apology? I will do what you say.


Dear E.L.,

You say that your husband and his daughters' mother are good friends and sometimes you are jealous over their good relationship.

This woman often asks your husband to assist her, and he told you that he helps her because of his daughters. What is difficult in that for you to accept?

You should accept what he says and encourage him to help her whenever it is possible. That is what a good woman would do.

You were upset on Boxing Day because you had friends for dinner and the woman called for help. Your husband tried to assist her, but he knew you were angry and he might have had difficulty getting the fixtures for the bathroom on the public holiday.

He spent much longer than he anticipated. Do you really believe that you should have cursed the woman and accused her of wanting to take your man?

I believe you were wrong to do so, and your husband is right to suggest that you apologise to her. You should do so as early as possible.


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