Church elder wants me for his son

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I am having a problem. I am 27 years old and my fiance is also 27 years old. I am a Pentecostal and he goes to another type of church. He does not like my church and I don't like his. My church is very noisy. We speak in tongues. Sometimes he comes and sits in his car and waits on me until my church is over.

Somebody reported me to the pastor because they saw him sitting in his car one night, and after church I went into the car and we drove away. Whoever reported me didn't know that he is my fiance. The pastor told the deacons to talk to me and I told them who he is and that we are getting married. One of the elders said that the man is a sinner and as a Christian, I shouldn't marry a sinner.

The elder who told me about marrying a sinner likes me for his son, but I turned him down. He plays the drums at church, but my spirit does not take him. The father asked me how I can turn down his son for a sinner. I love my boyfriend. I don't know what to do.

My mother attends the church and they are telling her that she might have to give up her position as a deaconess if she is allowing this man to visit me at her house.

Pastor, do you think the church has a right to choose for me? Please tell me if a church would put out a member because her daughter is having a relationship with a non-member.

S.T

Dear S.T,

Nobody has a right to choose your partner for you. This man and you are friends. He has not stopped you from attending your church. However, he does not wish to be a part of your church. He picks you up from church and he is not hiding, and you are not hiding either.

THEY BELIEVE YOU ARE HAVING SEX

The members have seen you going into his car and they have reported you to the church leaders. I am assuming that they believe that whenever this man picks you up, he is taking you to his house or some other place to have sex.

Some folks believe that they have a right to dictate to members to whom they should marry, etc. You did not say whether this man is a born-again Christian. You say you attend Pentecostal and he attends another church.

The problem that you are faced with is not so much what your brothers and sisters in the church are saying. But to me, it is where you are going to worship as a couple. If he does not wish to come to your church, and you don't wish to go to his church, both of you would have to agree that you worship at different churches. Some couples have worshipped in different churches and it is not a problem. Make sure that you do not attack this man's church and he does not attack yours.

The members of your church are extremists. Tell your mother not to allow them to control her. She is a grown woman. They may take away the position that she holds in the church from her, but they cannot take away the love that she has for you as her daughter.

I hope that they will come to their senses very soon. And I will not tell you to end the relationship with this man if both of you genuinely love each other.

Pastor