The helper took my husband

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and all those who work with you. May you have a bright Christmas season. I have been reading your column for a long time, and I have been blessed. I am a married woman and I have four children. I started to have been my children young. Only the last one belongs to my husband. And now, my husband has decided to leave me.

When I used to read these things in your column, I used to say, "These things are not real", but it has happened to me. I had a young lady come in twice per week to wash and clean. And that was the biggest mistake I have made. This girl, although she is half my age, is not beautiful. But my husband is crazy about this girl, and I saw a text message in his phone, and I read it, and it seems as if he had asked her for sex and she told him that he could get it anytime he wanted.

And she also told him that he should remember that she had asked him for some money to buy something that she needed.

I didn't say anything to my husband, and I did not ask the girl anything. But one day after she left work, about 15 minutes after, my husband said he had to go out. I asked him why, and he could not give me a straight answer so I became suspicious. He drives a car and I said to him, "Anywhere you are going, I am going too". He hissed his teeth and left. That was about 6 o'clock in the evening, and he did not come back until about 11 o'clock that night. He went straight into the bathroom when he came home.

While he was sleeping, I checked the underpants he had on and I saw sperm in it, so I knew he had had sex. I woke him up and asked him who he had had sex with, and he was confused. He said nobody. I told him that I knew he had had sex because his underpants were all messed up. He said, "You mean you check my underpants?" And I told him I had.

I called the girl and told her that my husband said they had had sex earlier, and she was silent. I asked her several times, "Did you have sex with him?" And she said anything he told me, so it went. My husband grabbed the phone from me and we started to fight. The children woke up and saw us and started to cry.

When I asked my husband why he had to do that to me, he said he was not attracted to me anymore. This man and I are coming from far, but it doesn't seem as if I am lucky with men. All of my children's fathers cheated on me, and I treated them so well.

Although I fired the girl, I suspect that he is still seeing her. And my husband doesn't leave his phone carelessly around anymore. He always has it in his pocket. He has told me some hard words. I cannot forgive this man for what he has told me. He made hurtful remarks such as "You take too much man. That's why you have three children without fathers."

When I met this man, he had next to nothing. Even the car that he now has sporting with his girls, I helped him to buy it. My first daughter never liked him because she said he tried to make a pass at her. I forgave him, but I should have had him locked up. I called the girl again and told her to leave my man, and she said I should tell him to leave her. She said she knows he is not going to leave her because she has what it takes to hold him, and the only thing I have is the ring. He does not want to go for counselling, so please tell me what to do.

R.C.

Dear R.C.,

She has not denied that both of them are having an affaire. And your husband has not denied it either. He has not shown any remorse. Instead, he has cursed you in the most derogatory manner.

He is behaving as if you had no right to question him. You believe that you had proof that he was carrying on with your helper, and you were quite correct. Too bad that you have had to stoop to that method of searching his underpants. And it is unfortunate that he is still continuing to have an affaire with this young woman. She has decided to continue seeing him because she believes that she has something over you.

I am afraid that if this man refuses to go see a family counsellor, there is nothing you can do apart from going to see a lawyer. You can decide to remain with him and share him with this woman and perhaps other women, but I doubt very much that you would want to do so.

Pastor