Dreamt I was making love to my church brother

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian lady. I am 40 years old. I have two children. I have never married. I became a Christian five years ago. I am active in my church. The fathers of my children and I are not in any intimate relationship. One of them has tried over and over, but he drinks too much and he does not attend church.

The reason why I am writing to you is because of a brother in the church. His wife died three years ago. We are very good friends. We talk a lot, but he has never indicated to me that he loves me. I love him very much. I dreamt recently that he and I were in bed making love and I had an orgasm, and when that happened, I woke up and started to cry because I knew that I should not be thinking that way.

I said it to my mother, who is 65 years old, and she said I should not worry about that. I am a woman and I need a man.

I asked my mother if I should tell this man that I love him in that way, but she said I shouldn't say anything to him. If he wants me for a wife, he will propose to me. The thing that I don't understand is, why he has never invited me out. He has never invited any woman to church. He always comes to church alone; sometimes two of his children attend church with him.

Now, Pastor, do you think that I should tell this man about the dream I had? And do you also think that I should tell him that I love him and that I would love for him to take me out sometimes?

One day he told me that he has not got over the death of his wife. Will I be pushing this man and running him away by telling him how I feel about him?

Please, give me your good advice.

Y.T.

Dear Y.T.,

While I was reading your letter, I said to myself, you should probably tell this man that you love him and you would love both of you to take your friendship further. However, when I saw that this man told you that he has not yet got over the death of his wife, I realised that he is not yet ready to have an intimate or close relationship with any woman as yet.

I want you to know that sometimes it takes a person a long time to grieve and to overcome the death of a loved one. Therefore, I will say to you, be thankful for the relationship or the kind of friendship this man and you share. He thinks highly of you and that is why he talks to you often. In his lonely hours, he knows that he has a friend with whom he can share his thoughts. He appreciates you. That is why I am saying to you, continue to be his friend.

DON'T PUSH HIM

Don't push this man. He is not stupid. He knows that you love him, that is part of the reason why he talks so much with you. But I repeat, you may run him away if you give him the impression that you are pushing yourself on him.

Concerning the dream you had, that is not something for you to beat up yourself about. It is a dream and it appeared to be so real because you had an orgasm. Whether you feel unholy about it, it wouldn't change what has happened. But, you wouldn't do yourself and the relationship that you are having with this man any good by telling him about the dream. He may feel that you are inviting him to have sex with you if you were to tell him about it. You have already mentioned it to your mother. Don't say it to anybody else. It is not every experience you have had that you should tell anyone about.

Now be good to yourself. Continue to be active in your church and continue to be a good friend of this man. I wish you the very best.

Pastor